Over the years I’ve channelled my enormous capacity for Envy into "Admiration".

It’s not that I’m a good person or anything; it’s just that I can’t keep up. There’s just too much to be envious about.

What started out with whiny inner bitch moaning about having longer legs, smoother skin, a tighter butt and thicker hair has now grown to bigger house, cooler car, richer parents and thicker wallet. It never ends.

I’m sick of the gnashing and grinding of teeth. I’m sick of the plotting and scheming and trying to keep up.
So I’m letting it all go.

No more schadenfreude* for me. I’m bigger than that, I really am. I’m not going to begrudge anyone anything. They’ve worked really hard to get where they are. In all fairness, they’re probably really nice people who deserve their good fortune.

Why shouldn’t they enjoy what could one day be mine?
I mean. I deserve it too, don’t I? Yes, I do, dammit! I was cheated!

But it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine...

*The most ugly of all envies, where we find ourselves insanely jealous of our successful friends, silently wishing them ill when they land on their feet and feeling unbelievable relief when they fuck up.