the extraction
the domestic minx
22 Comments
I am weary.
A grim battle has been fought. Casualties lay broken and bleeding on both sides.
My dental foes, those cruel tormentors, the vile insurgents of molar menace, have paid the price for their uprising.
Cast aside now on some toxic medical waste dump the Unholy Trio stand as a reminder to all impacted wisdom teeth that the price for such torment is Extraction.
Oh and the Extraction was a process exacted with military precision befitting the ruthless nature of such a bitter exchange.
Prepared for a troublesome altercation, the Doctor had my back, and my gums.
Strapped, geared and ready for action, his ammunition stood cocked and locked as I prepared for the assault. Oh, there was gnashing and grinding in the trenches as the molar malignancies gave it their last shot but a taste of the big boys dulled their cries, silenced their wailing and paralysed them in a shot.
As it did me.
90 minutes of grinding, wrenching, slicing and stitching later the triple terrors had been blown to Hell, along with some of my bone and a good portion of my bodily fluids.
But while my nemesis is gone, what has been left behind is Disturbing.
A toll has been paid.
By my face.
I am Hideous.
Swollen and bulbous, my once smooth, oval jawline has become comically
hamster-like, with extraordinary jowls and bulging cheek pouches.
I am Marlon Brando in the Godfather, Alvin in the Chipmunks.
I am a Cabbage Patch doll, a Pickled Person.
If it wasn't so painful I would be laid out laughing at myself. For I look ludicrous.
Oh, how I look forward to ridiculing myself!
3 days later and the pain is still excrutiating, my mood desolate, my face a carnival of horrors for small children and the unprepared.
But salvation has been close at hand.
A chorus of angels has hovered by my bedside since I returned from battle, sore and weary. They have attended to my every whimper, ministered to each ailment and given me succour in my time of need.
Miraculous and merciful, domestic duties have been performed without the lifting of one of my pretty fingers, all household ministrations conducted seamlessly without drama, my own feeble activities conducted from the comfort of my bed and with little more than a whimper as direction. I have been deliriously free of obligation and mercifully relieved of responsibility. It has all been rather intoxicating...
Or perhaps that's just the drugs talking...
While I don't miss the cooking and I don't miss the sweeping, the Domestic Minx longs to be Mistress of her Domain once more.
Give me back My Face.
Give me back My Humour.
But for now, for God's sake, just give me My Drugs!
And hide the mirror...
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Reader Comments (22)
Ahhhh! My sympathies! I still have all my wisdom teeth and they have never given me a days troubles. There they shall stay. Perhaps I am in fact the missing link in that I am meant to still chew on animal skin to make soft leather......
They never give you enough drugs, NEVER I tell you!!! I say drink them with some wine. What the hell.
Ciao for now.
Happy hunting.
Ah, mon cher, this is good! Puffy cheeks shall return to their former sleek sophistication soon and the dirty dishes will fill the sink hoping for your gentle hands to free them of scum and food particles yet again.
Until then, enjoy the respite!
xox!
Mistress M
I hope you feel better. I love how well written this is. It sounds like a civil war!
Chipmunk cheeks aside, you're still absolutely beautiful. You could jump into a mud puddle, roll around in twigs and moss, and still be beautiful.
You're a Minx. Beautiful on the outside, and on the inside as well.
Those dirty little teeth are paying the price for their uprising against the goddess, and will show the rest of your dreamy bod that anything less than perfection will not be tolerated.
You'll be back to 100 percent Minxy in no time!
Dear Minx, you are beautiful even with puffy cheeks :) remember the swelling does go down...vicoden always did the trick for me hehehe...
Thank you for your kind sympathies Megan,
I too would have been happy to let the sleeping dogs lie had they not started barking so loudly in their miserably small cages...
This is horrible...
And not only do they not give you enough drugs - they're not strong enough!!!
I'm going to have to wash mine down with some hard liquor!!
x
Dearest Margot,
The pouches are depuffing slowly and I am not quite as monstrous today as I was yesterday.
A few days off my former Minx status but gaining ground...
I am enjoying the attention, I must say...
xox
Oh Christina,
Thank you for your kind thoughts and gentle words.
Oh, a war ground it certainly has been! The fighting has been fierce.
While the evil molars, those cruel infidels, have been vanquished, I lay sore and bleeding from my wounds. Still, I rise as Victor!
I will rise again as Minx, soon.
I promise.
Must lose the ludicrous cheeks first...credibility zero...
xxx
Oh my dear dear Kitty,
You always make me feel better!
I actually think it might be an improvement if I rolled in mud and decorated myself in twigs, moss and detritus. I could disguise my cheeks and be Mossy Minx, instead of Miserable Minx with Monstrous Mandibles.
Oh, but you're right about those Insurgent Molars. They messed with the wrong girl.
Haha! I laugh at your expulsion from my gums!!
Today 75%. Improvement gradual.
xox
Darling Lady Terri,
What I miss most is my ability to smile. I am always smiling but it has been hemmed in and squashed by the two swollen, intrusive, bullybuster cheeks.
I will be so much happier when the swelling has subsided and I can smile freely and without restriction. Vicoden...hmmm...
xx
I got dry socket and told my husband I would rather have a baby that go through that pain again. Hope your face ache is over soon, sending get well wishes, but I expect the pain pills are more effective ;)
aw you poor baby....get well soonest!
{{{hugs}}}
May I just wish you and your mouth a speedy recovery.
Poor DM it sounds awful and I am forever scared of removing my wisdom teeth! you may have lost your face but your sense of humor is intact! and don't worry about the face...it will be back!
Oh Jafabrit, the dry socket sounds truly horrendous. It would have to be the last thing anyone would want - ever!
I have been living in fear of the dry socket and have taken every measure to prevent it!
Apparently, it is still a threat...
I truly would have had another baby than this whole unpleasant scenario!
Awful in the extreme - but slowly improving...
Thank you for your lovely hugs darling Maisha xx
I can feel them doing me good.
xox
Oh my dear Lord Likely,
I do appreciate your stopping by to wish me well.
I admit I am feeling much better.
I do so wish you could have joined me in the fray. You could have given the blaggards a thorough bollocking with one of your swift moves to the testicles. And these wisdom teeth had testicles, I tell you. Big ones!
Thank you so much darling Sylvie x
I am trying to laugh in the face of adversity!!!
It has been hard, especially when it's face is a whole lot better looking than my miserable puffball...
However, it has looked a little less bloated today so I have hope...
"Lady Terri" triggered me on this post, and she was dead-on. That was AWESOME, and very fun to read! :)
Oh Lobo! The experience was awesome alright!!
Awesome and VILE!!
(My mouth still hurts. It is a truly horrible thing...)
Thanks for dropping by x