the body corpor-eight
the domestic minx
21 Comments
I do hope you are hungry, dear readers, for I have prepared for your dining pleasure, yet another plateful of my eviscerated entrails.
Oh, I will spare you somewhat, for it is not quite the inspection of my innards you may be expecting.
Rather, it is a crude dissection of my outward appearance, carefully carved for your gratification and presented in appetising bite-sized portions.
I have been tagged by my very gorgeous friend, Lola, of The Cherry Cola Cafe,
who wishes me to Expose Myself, physically.
In eight separate ways.
The Body Corpor-Eight
- 1. Perhaps the most immediate thing about me is my pair of big round eyes.
While predominantly hazel, they are seasonal things and often waver between green and khaki.
Although I believe my eyes to be rather sweet and ingenuous, I have been told they are unnervingly intense and have actually disturbed people.
While seemingly innocent, they are dangerously myopic.
If I forget my contact lenses I am likely to stumble blindly into the swimming pool naked or go home with the wrong man. That's my excuse anyway.
- 2. I am petite.
I am the same size as Kylie Minogue, but my bank balance is considerably lighter, while her bottom is rather more pert. I believe she is hiding something in it.
I must say, being small, despite the obvious shortcomings, has presented me with many advantages.
The cute factor has helped me get away with murder on more than one occasion.
And I have always looked younger than I really am.
From a distance I have been mistaken for my husband's daughter.
When my son was fourteen I was mistaken for his girlfriend.
When I was teaching I was mistaken for one of the students. Not so good.
- 3. When I was young I had tawny blonde hair.
Now I'm just not sure what colour it is.
Oh, how cruel it is to have once been blonde. Cursed are The Born Blondes.
I am either spending my time, money and energy clinging desperately to visions of my youthful fairness or trying desperately to align myself with any one of the myriad of shades in the hair colour spectrum.
I have been platinum, champagne, gold, honey, coffee, red, auburn, mahogany and midnight.
While I really don't know what my natural hair colour is now I fear it is more mouse than multi-faceted.
- 4. My body has not experienced one labour pain.
Despite hearing the most horrendous of hospital horror stories, I have remained bitter about this. I have been cheated.
During my pregnancies I craved the anguish of birthing in all it's glory.
The doctors took one look at my waifish figure and my imposingly large husband and laughed.
Not a chance, they said.
And there was not a single movement at the station for me to judge how deluded I might have been.
- 5. Someone was looking out for me, however, as I have not one stretch mark.
I put it down to baby oil and the elasticity of youth. I also have a flat tummy.
But before you start snarling with envy, read on...
- 6. I have a crease above my right knee. A what? A crease. Yes.
While it may sound innocuous, it is a miserable thing of utter vileness and I loathe it.
It has been there for years, mocking me.
How does one acquire a wrinkle on one's knee? Can botox rid me of it?
- 7. Descending to the extemities of the lower appendages, however, we find two greater abominations.
What surely must be the most bulbous and unattractive big toes in history mock me with their inelegant squatness and rude, fat, smirking toe faces.
When I was a little girl I suffered from ingrown toe nails and my Gran, in her pagan wisdom, was wont to apply poultices of dubious matter to the complaining digits.
I believe now it was a cruel conspiracy to increase their tumescence. It is entirely conceivable that those putrid poultices were filled with an ancient form of restylane.
- 8. I have a generous mouth and I like to share it by smiling a lot.
The smile, the grin, the smirk, is an integral part of my mojo and an invaluable modus operandi for Minx Manipulation.
My mother, a most accomplished Domestic Minx and Habitual Smiler, tossed me this pearl of wisdom,
"You attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar."
It's true. My smile has allowed me to talk my way out of as many things as I have talked myself into.
Unfortunately, the smiling and honeyed visage has also attracted more than it's fair share of cockroaches.
My smile, my Mojo, Minx and Multi-purpose Tool, has been responsible for more International Incidents than I care to name, more broken hearts and more deluded garden path walkers than I feel comfortable mentioning.
It has been my Passport to Pleasure and my Ticket to Trouble.
While not always handled with discretion, in the Arsenal of Minx Munitions, it is still this Rogue Agent's finest weapon.
It is my Go Go Gadget, my Mojo Magnet, my slow-mo, mo-fo, deeply dangerous Dragnet.
And I do like to live dangerously. With a smile upon my face...
It is with fear that I began this dissection, knowing I have upset the entire blogsosphere with my rampant linking and memeing of late, so I will throw this one out to you, dear reader...
If you feel comfortable exposing eight parts of yourself to the world, please take up the challenge and start peeling back the layers.
It doesn't hurt, much...
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Reader Comments (21)
What an expose! I lapped up every tidbit of information you so graciously shared. You are delicious.
Yum.
Perhaps I shall play this game upon my return from the fascinating metropolis of Milwaukee. Har har.
xoxo
Mistress M
That was so much fun to read. If I was a fella or a gay gal I would fancy you to bits. As is it I just think you ROCK!
Totally and completely excellent! I'll need to settle in with a glass of wine to read through the archives. Uh...and as far as my layers go -- I'll have to think on that one.
I am rather exhausted from all the exposure...
My flesh is flayed and fragile now.
I will use today, and a decent glass of shiraz, to regenerate before peeling off bite sized portions of myself to offer my hungry family...
Glad you enjoyed the snack!!
xox
Darling Jafabrit x
Even with the vile and hideous toes...
and the loathsome crease...
An honour indeed, you delicious creature!
x
So glad you've wandered into my boudoir, Kellypea x
I have a nice chianti that I am happy to share.
It will go well with my lovely liver and some fava beans...
x
I am now officially addicted to this site. I am completely fascinated with your words and pictures. I love when I find a new treasure in the blogosphere like this blogging gem.
Oh thank you darling Meleah!!
That is praise indeed coming from you!
I love your gorgeous blog too and will return later to see if you are feeling a little brighter.
I shall bring you some hearty home made soup and promise it will not be infused with any of my leftover bodily juices...
xx and hugs
a delicious minx in all her glory. an eight part expose is not a problem, but i'd rather leave it to an expert and not subjugate your firm-core masterpiece :)
You are adorable, dear Minx. Please don't be offended by my current post. The more fullsome ladies are in need of an ego boost from a kindly gorilla.
Oh I disagree darling raffi x
I would love to know eight things about your corpus delicious.
And so would everybody else!!
I can almost guarantee your toes are more attractive than mine, for a start!!
That could be Number 1...my big toes are much more attractive than the vulgar, bulbous monstrosities sported so offensively by The Domestic Minx.
xx
Thank you darling friend GB x
I applaud your support of the curvacious woman.
While I am not without some curvature, it would appear the only truly fulsome thing on offer here in my boudoir are my inflated halluces.
I think I need an ego boost on that alone...
xx
My darling sister across the pond,
I have said it before and I will say it again. You are the bravest woman I know. Exposing 8 extremely personal details specifically about your personal and somtimes private but very beautiful parts my dear you amaze me. In gratitude I intend to muster my courage and put pen to paper or in this case fingers to buttons and delicately eeek out squeemish details about my details .....as it is in the details I already know you thrive! After my class today I will put on my brave minxy mask as I will have you as you know most kiiys are very shy and uncover my own layers for which I am sure will be an exercise in facing the truth ...warts and all ...although of which I have none! So you are a fierce role model to us all and I love love love all of your eight wonderfully special parts and all of the rest of you too. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul and minxy details with us all..... muxh xx and oo kk
Absolutely dreamy and delicious. I'll take one Minx on the rocks.
And thank you SO very very much for my favorite new "excuse."
"If I forget my contact lenses I am likely to stumble blindly into the swimming pool naked or go home with the wrong man. That's my excuse anyway."
I love it.
I have no doubt, darling Kimmykat that your expose will be as delicious and disarming as you are xx
Details, please, and in abundance, for you do know how I love them. Warts and all!!
I look forward to your disrobing and thank you for your support of my own unpeeling...
xox
if there's one thing i have learned from you Minx, it is that the body has the potential to smirk everywhere, not just the mouth. now wherever I am, in a queue, at friends, staring at yet anothe facile celeb I see knees, toes, elbows, clavicles, kineys, anywhere there's subcutaneous fat,....smirking, smirking, smirking everywhere....smirking, smirking (great word that - smirking, a pleasure to type) smirking smirking...sorry Minx its getting late, I've had a little wine ...
Oh little Kitty x
I should have known you would lap up my latest excuse.
It's delicious isn't it!!!
I will put off that operation for as long as possible!! And now I know you won't be racing to the optician!!
Ah, Minx on the Rocks!
Bottoms Up!
and
Cheers!!
xx
You are making me smirk, no - scream with laughter, Thinista!!!
I love it that you see smirking subcutaneous fat everywhere!!
Now I won't be able to stop seeing it - and smirking!
I already have a problem with the smirk...
How hard it will be at the check out now..
Cheers darling,
and long live the smirk!
How I love it so.. xx
oh yeah... that was some fine writing...i know exactly what it was like... you took me there... thank you
It's a great smile.