pleasure on the menu
the domestic minx
28 Comments
It is a perfectly miserable fact that there is a distinct lack of pleasure in performing those things that one is supposed to be doing..
Right now, for example, I should be attending to the vile state of my kitchen.
Instead, I sit here, tapping away on my laptop, deliciously ignorant of the mounting pile of dishes gaining dominion over the sink area, the thickening layers of detritus gathering their insurgent forces in dark and unmentionable corners and the casual indifference of soiled and saucy dishcloths flirting outrageously with the bad boys on the benchtop.
Yet the fact that I am studiously ignoring the wails of unwashed plates, the sluttish squeals of sullied teatowels and the bellowing of baked on grease and grime, is giving me immense pleasure.
Guilty Pleasure.
Indeed. It is almost orgasmic.
For I am attending to something much more interesting and for all I care, the entire kitchen can go to hell, in my overflowing garbage bag.
And this of course, dear friends, is the essence of The Guilty Pleasure, is it not?
For it is naughty, it must be naughty and oh, so deliciously, sinfully wrong.
It is in lurid detail that over the past twelve weeks I have exposed some of my most decadent wrongdoings; guilty pleasures both indecent and deliriously inappropriate.
Being a wanton and incurable sensualist, a blissful bon vivant, you could rightfully assume there is an almost tireless degree of matter on which I could titillate you over the coming months but, given my fey and fickle nature, I wish to conjure something more fabulous. Now.
Indeed! Given my proximity to the kitchen I have conjured a most delicious dish!
Ta Dah!!
It is a list, dear readers; a little dubious, obviously decadent.
It is also rather indiscreet.
Of course.
For these are My Most Guilty Pleasures...
(some of them, anyway.)
Prego!
1. Ignoring my better judgement and enjoying a third glass of wine.
2. Laughing at people that fall over.
3. Beeping loudly and waving my arms at silly drivers in front of me.
(I know, I'm evil...)
4. Reading til midnight, even though my husband is trying to sleep.
5. Smearing gorgonzola on my finger and licking it off.
6. Washing it down with a swig of shiraz.
7. Eating food with my fingers and sucking each finger clean.
8. Not seeing the forest for the trees.
9. Pondering over the trees, focusing on the marvellous minutiae with incalculable vigour.
10. Deliberately not paying bills until the receival of disconnection notices, warnings of suspension, death threats..
11. Collecting ephemera or anything remotely, indefinably interesting.
12. Putting on my corset and pulling it really tight.
13. Fondling and cupping my breasts while reading, writing, having dinner at fancy restaurants.
14. Engineering escape plans.
15. Deliberately not organizing things to throw others off course.
16. Over organizing other things to the expense of my sanity.
17. Picking mascara off my eyelashes.
18. Ignoring the phone.
19. Ignoring danger signs.
20. Wearing my f*ck me boots around the house, often with incongruous items like an oversized jumper, sheepskin jacket, pyjamas.
21. Acquiring a fabulous obsession.
22. Doing nothing.
23. Doing six things at once.
24. Having ChiChi lick my toes.
25. Feeling the rough tongue of Diablo on my skin.
26. Taking a long, hot bath.
27. Running away.
28. Reinventing myself by way of my costume box.
29. Biting - hard.
30. Kissing - deeply.
31. With surgical precision, extracting singular beard hairs from my husband's chin with my fingernails.
32. And then biting him. (I have sadistic tendencies..)
33. Watching scary movies.
34. Watching Sex and The City on W for what is now the seventh time.
And simply not tiring of it!
35. Becoming absorbed in a book to the exclusion of everything else.
36. Quietly scrutinizing the dubious fashion sense of passersby with my very bitchy gay friend, or my Mum, or my brother, or anyone that likes to people-watch, really.
37. Shunning my responsibilities.
38. Rubbing cream all over my body and wandering around the house naked while it absorbs.
39. Turning my music up really loud and dancing to it.
40. Not ironing.
41. Reducing people to fits of laughter with my witty repartee ... and a rather helpful bottle of wine.
42. Opening Pandora's Box.
43. "Doing lunch" with my girlfriends and letting it extend to dinner time.
44. Shamelessly indulging anything French.
45. Similarly indulging myself in anything dark, diabolical and devilish.
46. Sniffing my own delightful underarms.
47. Sucking the chocolate layer from a Malteser before dissolving the malt ball in my mouth.
48. Helping Karma deal with those who deserve my vengeance.
49. Playing with words, tweaking sentences incessantly until I have spiralled into my own bottom.
50. Smelling things. I have an olfactory fascination with everything and constantly have one thing or another up to my nose. Very often I will then nip it in appreciation.
So, be warned, dear reader, if I like you I am prone to nibble.
Indeed, I hope you have enjoyed nibbling on this little plateful of my eviscerated entrails, my friends...(better with some fava beans and a nice Chianti)..
I assure you the purge has been rather exhausting, though not, of course, exhaustive..
It goes without saying that the more ribald of my guilty pleasures have been left to your imagination.
And, dare I say, being that rare brand of individual that finds titillation in my own brand of decadence, you have your own admissions of naughtiness?
Ooh, I'm tantalized just thinking of them!
I dare to say we might even share a few, dear reader...
I've no doubt some fava beans and a good Chianti will be the start of a wonderful smorgasbord.
Uno smorgasbord dei Piaceri Colpevoli.
Bon Appetito!
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Reader Comments (28)
LOL! I love the pic and ooh la!la! I love 39, but I think 69 would be better ;) hee!hee!
YooooHooo ..... Minx,
Until yesterday, I was without the means to contact the world. My sweet Raspberry iMac bellied-up with her legs in the air. Poor thing.
My genius husband aquired a used Blueberry iMac from a co-worker and until I can order a new iMac model, in October, I type away on this one, until the screen flickers. Then I tap it on its left side, so the screen will correct itself. Wow. I am becoming quite the mechanic. Ha.
So wonderful to catch up on your writings. I did share todays post with him. We both were so amused. I have described you to him, by using many of your own wanton and sultry words. There is indeed, no one else like you. So glad to see you again!
hugs and kisses!
Reading your list has convinced me that we are indeed soul sisters :)
in answer to your list....
1. Always
2. Especially if they're old ladies
3. I only do that if I'm sitting behind the bus driver
4. Make that reading till dawn
5. Yuk! gorgonzola smells like foot odour
6. Anything to get rid of the taste
7. While staring into my beloveds eyes
8 and 9. Normal
10. Normal
11. NOOOO...anything but that. Clutter makes my hair stand on end
12. Oh yeah baby!
13. My cupping and fondling days are over, now I just throw them over my shoulder
14. Normal
15. Duh?
16. A girl can never be too prepared
17. The big globby bits are so satisfying
18. They'll ring back if its important
19. What signs?
20. Sounds just like Mary Kate Olsen.....she's petite too!
21. What? Another one?
22 and 23. Normal
24. Sounds fab!
25. Nothing like a licky cat
26. Necessary
27. Mmmm....not sure about this one
28. Who else is going to do it?
29. Oh yeah baby
30. ...and with abandon
31. Facial pubes...yuk.....yuk...yukyukyuk..yuuuuk
32. Depends where
33. ..about mad people
34. SATC....yawn
35. Normal
36. Normal
37. Normal...(sigh)
38. Hey, I never thought of that!
39. With cream all over your naked body?
40. Why anybody does is beyond me
41. ...or 3
42. Too busy with my own
44. Far too normal
45. Not hard here in The Devils Land
46. Just checking
47. Can you do that?
48. Mmmmm....better not push my luck
49. ...In the begining was the word...
50. Especially Bvlgari perfume
Ooh, you are naughty, Jafabrit!!
Deliciously so!
I too have a fascination with numbers....!
xox
Oh thank God you are alright Theresa!!
I have been a little worried about your absence!
Your blog was deserted, abandoned, lonely, with no explanation for your disappearance.
A reconnaissance mission was underway, in fact, before your delightful reappearance this morning!!
The sun is shining again!
xox
Darling Magus!!
I've no doubt we share some sordid secret dalliances!!
As I was writing this I realized I had tapped into a deep vein of disturbing tendencies.
Leaving it at 50 was really rather constrictive, yet spared my dear readers the cruel realization that I am completely mad..
It appears I share the complaint with you, dear friend...
Of course.
Your soul sister
xox
Darling Thinista,
I have been in fits of laughter reading your responses!!
It seems, as if I didn't already suspect this, that we have much in common.
Sadly, I feel the smorgasbord of which I speak might find only myself indulging in the gorgonzola..
It is a solitary pleasure. The smell is vile.
Yet intoxicatingly addictive..
Following it's ingestion I must almost disinfect myself before attempting meaningful human contact...
I find I am almost irresistible to ChiChi, however..
xox
Oh I love wine and gorgonzola. I'm also partial to feta...but cheeses and wine are both weaknesses. I've been slowly enjoying a rather large hunk of the offensive gorgonzola with my bounty of beefsteak tomatoes. Today we added bacon instead of nuts, talk about overkill. Oh...my...GODDESS!
I love your list, you naughty, funky, demonic Minx, you!
Guilty Pleasures are the best kind. Screw the dishes, they'll get washed eventually. Or they'll get tired of being dirty and wash themselves.
xoxo
Mistress M
Good grief I swear we must be related! More than one revelation received an 'oh yeah!" and more than a few guilty giggles.
Delightful, delicious, demanding dilettante - I adore you. :)
Oh Minx, we have much in common, particularly in regard to our love of biting and licking. My guilty pleasure is kissing a woman's hand and then rubbing her cool fingers on my face before releasing my grasp. If I ever got hold of your hand you'd have to wait a long time before getting it back!
Is it true you're an aussie?
1. Ignoring my better judgement and enjoying a third glass of wine. (ME TOO!)
2. Laughing at people that fall over. (Thats The best!)
3. Beeping loudly and waving my arms at silly drivers in front of me. (I am a MIDDLE FINGER giver)
4. Reading til midnight, even though my husband is trying to sleep. (check!)
5. Smearing gorgonzola on my finger and licking it off. (delicious)
6. Washing it down with a swig of shiraz.(yum.)
7. Eating food with my fingers and sucking each finger clean.(Hell yes)
8. Not seeing the forest for the trees. (Id rather be in a fancy hotel)
10. Deliberately not paying bills until the receival of disconnection notices, warnings of suspension, death threats..(HA HA HA HA HA HA meee tooo. I dont pay until I HAVE to pay)
12. Putting on my corset and pulling it really tight.(I still have to TRY this one)
13. Fondling and cupping my breasts while reading, writing, having dinner at fancy restaurants. (get out!)
14. Engineering escape plans. (every damn day)
15. Deliberately not organizing things to throw others off course. (Ha! I should try that)
16. Over organizing other things to the expense of my sanity. (I do that way tooo much! )
17. Picking mascara off my eyelashes. (yup!)
18. Ignoring the phone. (all the time!)
19. Ignoring danger signs.(all the time!)
20. Wearing my f*ck me boots around the house, often with incongruous items like an oversized jumper, sheepskin jacket, pyjamas.(Hmm.... another thing I must try)
21. Acquiring a fabulous obsession. (I got that covered!)
22. Doing nothing. (my favorite thing to do)
23. Doing six things at once. (I am forced to do that at work)
24. Having ChiChi lick my toes. (No one goes near my feet, except a pedicurist.)
25. Feeling the rough tongue of Diablo on my skin.(I need a cat)
26. Taking a long, hot bath. (Ahhhhhhh)
27. Running away. (I WISH!)
28. Reinventing myself by way of my costume box.(good idea)
29. Biting - hard.(hmmmm)
30. Kissing - deeply.(mmmmmmmm)
31. With surgical precision, extracting singular beard hairs from my husband's chin with my fingernails. (ha ha ha ha ha)
32. And then biting him. (I have sadistic tendencies..) (clearly)
33. Watching scary movies. (Im too chicken)
34. Watching Sex and The City on W for what is now the seventh time.
And simply not tiring of it! (I will NEVER tire of SITC)
35. Becoming absorbed in a book to the exclusion of everything else. (thats the only way to read a book)
36. Quietly scrutinizing the dubious fashion sense of passersby with my very bitchy gay friend, or my Mum, or my brother, or anyone that likes to people-watch, really. (ha ha ha...so do I)
37. Shunning my responsibilities.(I wish)
38. Rubbing cream all over my body and wandering around the house naked while it absorbs. (nice!)
39. Turning my music up really loud and dancing to it. (in the middle of my livingroom!)
40. Not ironing. (I cant iron AT ALL!)
41. Reducing people to fits of laughter with my witty repartee ... and a rather helpful bottle of wine. (you are quite talented like that)
42. Opening Pandora's Box. (CHECK!)
43. "Doing lunch" with my girlfriends and letting it extend to dinner time. (aww...I wish I had TIME for that)
44. Shamelessly indulging anything French.(sweet!)
45. Similarly indulging myself in anything dark, diabolical and devilish. (sweeter)
46. Sniffing my own delightful underarms.(never!)
47. Sucking the chocolate layer from a Malteser before dissolving the malt ball in my mouth. (oh how I miss chocolate!)
48. Helping Karma deal with those who deserve my vengeance. (yes, thats all I am doing, HELPING karma!)
49. Playing with words, tweaking sentences incessantly until I have spiralled into my own bottom. (you are the master of words)
50. Smelling things. (some things....like flowers, but not things like feet)
I share so many of your delicious guilty pleasures, dear Minx! You have given me a few naughty ideas, though, which I am anxious to try out on my own...yummy!
xoxoxo
Rapunzel
Ahh, my Divine, though I suspect equally Devilish, Miss M,
I'm so happy that we share a love of wine and gorgonzola, for that most certainly will be on the agenda of things to do when we inevitably 'do lunch' together!!
It is so satisfying finding those who share one's guilty pleasures...
My dishes are slatternly and obviously enjoy wallowing in their own filth...they stare at me insolently from their stronghold by the sink, making no discernable independent movements towards the dishwasher. Dirty cows...
xoxo
Michelle darling,
After reading some of your own delicious exposes, I am quite convinced we are peas of the same pod!!
I do enjoy a guilty giggle, I must say.
After dinner and a flutter at the Casino last night I had much cause for the deliciously diabolical pastime of people watching. And subsequent lampooning.
Mon Dieu!
The crimes against fashion were hideous, outrageous and absolutely perfect for my savage surveillance. Hee!
xox
My darling and most hirsute of friends,
It would be my guilty pleasure to allow it to linger there...
Perhaps you might allow me the joy of extracting some of your facial hair, individually and with an almost surgical precision.
Naturally, I would have to follow my retrieval with a well placed bite...
xox
Hello darling Loz,
I am indeed!!!
Relocated from the Motherland in my formative years and now a proud flagbearer of this wide brown land!!
Thank you for visiting!!
I do hope you'll return to my boudoir.
xox
Darling Meleah!!
Oh, you make me laugh!!
How delicious that you too are one of the Gorgonzola Girls!!
I would love to make time for you to share with me a long and lingering lunch, obviously somewhere that we might indulge in some people watching. With any luck, someone might slip over walking past our table!!
Hee!
xox
Darling Rapunzel!!
I believe some of my guilty pleasures to be thoroughly therapeutic!!!
In fact, it is possible they may hold the secret to eternal youth...
I am certainly going to enjoy testing this theory!!
xox